Introduction (Part 6 of 7): What's Love Got To Do With It?

The following passage is by far the most read scripture at weddings. Yet, in 2021, as it has been for the past few decades, almost half of all marriages end in divorce. Why? Because the actions detailed in this beautiful passage are simple but incredibly hard. I know what you are asking though; the primary purpose of this blog is to learn about team dynamics and team leadership. What’s love got to do with it?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13-4-7)

First of all, Paul never intended this to be a roadmap for a happy marriage. He wasn’t writing poetry. Paul is delivering these words as a rebuke and an exhortation. As we just explored, in Chapter 12 of 1 Corinthians, Paul was admonishing the church for having divisions amongst themselves and pridefully building some up at the expense of others. Let’s go through this passage in detail with this back story:

• Love is patient: Some translations of the Bible use the word longsuffering rather than patient. The Greek word, makrothymeo (good news about writing this is I don’t have to try to pronounce it), being translated means “to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others.” Love means being hurt and resisting the urge to retaliate which seems like it has become more difficult to observe in today’s culture.

• Love is kind: This goes beyond being polite and mild-mannered. Note that this is still in the same sentence with longsuffering. It means not only being patient with others that are hurting you but also treating them gently and even acting in their interests even if it doesn’t benefit you.

• Love does not envy: Envy was rampant in this church. Perhaps envy of spiritual gifts or success of others. The work means to zealously pursue. Paul did ask us to “eagerly desire the greater gifts.” This is a different motive. This is eagerly desiring the power, results, and success that come from the gifts.

• Love does not boast: Boasting is self-promotion which would be antithetical to why God gives us spiritual gifts. We are to point to Jesus not ourselves.

• Love is not arrogant: Other translations use the words “proud” or “puffed up”. Arrogance is an ungodly elevated opinion of yourself and the desire for others to feel the same way about you, often at the expense of others. Again, note that envy, boast, and arrogant are all part of the same sentence. They are all symptoms of the same diseases: pride and self-promotion.

• Love does not dishonor others: Other translations say “rude” or “act disgracefully” or “act indecently.” I like those translations better. Rudeness is self-expression and self-gratification at the expense of the feelings and wellbeing of others.

• Love is not self-seeking: Love yields. Love doesn’t insist on its own way. Love doesn’t seek its own benefit. Many of the problems on our teams and in our churches disappear when we put other people’s needs above our own.

• Love is not easily angered: Irritable. Easily provoked. For the vast majority of my life, this could describe me. When something I value is threatened, whether that is a family member, an asset, my identity, or my vision, I have been too quick to lash out.

• Love keeps no record of wrongs: Love is not resentful. Love doesn’t keep score. New relationships often are sidetracked by this. “I am working so hard for them. Can’t they see this?” I can honestly say that if my wife “kept score,” there would be no hope for our marriage. Same is true in the church and in teams. Nobody promised us “fairsies.” Again, dishonoring others, self-seeking, easily angered, and record keeping are all part of the same sentence. If we are trying to play everyone’s favorite radio station WIII-FM (what is in it for me?), we are doomed to be disappointed.

• Love does not delight in evil: Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing. Love does not rejoice in iniquity or injustice or unrighteousness. Often, we take sides. When we take sides, unity loses and division wins. Let’s try to take the side of Jesus.

• Love rejoices with the truth: The best path is always the truth. Always. And we usually know the right way but sometimes that is not the easiest or most direct path. I often tell our team that the right thing to do is rarely wrong. Pray for wisdom and discernment.

• Love always protects: How often are we protecting ourselves from perceived attacks or slights rather than the mission of the team? How often are we protecting our self-identity rather than the identities of our teammates? We innately put our hand up to stop a baseball from hitting a child. We put gold and valuables in safes. We protect the things we love and value.

• Love always trusts: Love believes all things. Trust is a choice and trust is anchored in something you inherently believe. Andy Stanley teaches about choosing trust over suspicion. You can watch a version of that teaching here. It is worth 45 minutes of your time. When someone disappoints us, we can choose to trust or we can choose suspicion.

• Love always hopes: Hope is anchored in unbridled belief in the goodness of God. Hope in our teammates as reflections of the goodness of God is critical for a healthy team.

• Love always perseveres: Love always endures through every circumstance. We said in an earlier article that iron doesn’t sharpen iron unless there is friction. Friction can make us better. Friction can also hurt. Relationships are hard and are hard work. One must value them enough to fight for them.

In Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Advantage, he posits “The single greatest advantage any company can achieve is organizational (or team) health. Yet it is ignored by most leaders even though it is simple, free, and available to anyone who wants it.” The first of four disciplines that Lencioni teaches in his book is to build a cohesive leadership team; one built on trust and accountability. It takes effort. It takes trust. It takes healthy conflict. It takes commitment. It takes accountability. It takes focus. At one point in the book, Lencioni wrote something that stunned me. Read this passage:

At its core, accountability is about having the courage to confront someone about their deficiencies and then to stand in the moment and deal with their reaction, which may not be pleasant. It is a selfless act, one rooted in a word that I don’t use lightly in a business book: love. To hold someone accountable is to care about them enough to risk having them blame you for pointing out their deficiencies.

That is powerful stuff. One of the exercises that Lencioni suggests to build trust and accountability on your team is to spend time answering 2 questions about each other in front of each other. Our Leadership Team, the one I lead at our church, has been spending the past 4-5 months going through these 2 questions (we actually added 2 additional questions). It takes time. You ask the question and one at a time, you go around the room answering it. Then the subject of the question responds after everyone has had an opportunity to answer. It took us about 30 minutes per person. There were tears. There were smiles. There was laughter. And it is a powerful exercise. Our team is better for doing it.

Lencioni’s two questions:

1. What does this person do that helps the team?

2. What does this person do that hurts the team?

Our additional two questions:

1. What does this person do that feels like love?

2. What does this person do that doesn’t feel like love?

We are now strongly encouraging all of our teams on our staff to do this exercise.